


One Week to Break the Internet

by Marvelous-Malex (Maximilian_Alexander)



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Tony Stark, F/M, Gen, Impersonating an Employee, Mistaken Identity, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PR Nightmare Tony Stark, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Shopping, Social Media, Target, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Twitter, pepper potts appreciation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26481178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maximilian_Alexander/pseuds/Marvelous-Malex
Summary: You Know Who I Am @TonyStark  ✓Pepper says I’m allowed to post anything I want this week because I beat her last night in monopoly and I am going to do my absolute best to make her regret that decision.↓CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts  ✓Oh no.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 61
Kudos: 651





	1. Chapter 1

Day 1

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Pepper says I’m allowed to post anything I want this week because I beat her last night in monopoly and I am going to do my absolute best to make her regret that decision. 

↓

CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts ✓

> Oh no.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Thanks, hon! 😘💖💗💖💗💖

↓

Mmmbutt @IronBootyDiaries 

> Okay am I the only one who finds Tony Stark’s usage of heart emojis super cute?? Is that weird??? To find a grown middle aged man cute?????

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Thank you? I think? Also wow you have a LOT of closeups of my ass, where did you even get some of these

↓

Mmmbutt @IronBootyDiaries 

> Hahahaooooooohnooooooo 

—

Mmmbutt @IronBootyDiaries 

> Tony Fucking Stark saw all the pics of his ass that I, specifically, posted. End me now. This is my final will and testament, may god rest my weary soul–

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it. I found out two days ago that my tiny teenaged intern draws fanart of me as a Jedi. He has an entire sketchbook full of me tinkering with droids. That’s vastly more embarrassing. (And... Adorable.)

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Yes, I have a teenaged minor for an intern. No, Stark Industries does not accept minors for internships. I just really, really wanted this one because he’s super creative and wants to make the world a better place. Sooo I showed up at his house and asked him and his guardian. 

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Now that you know about him... I have SO many stories to tell. I’m making the most out of this week.

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> My Intern’s Friend: Someone tried to stab you?

> My Intern: Yeah?

> My Intern’s Friend: Okay, I guess. Continue.

> Me: ????? I’m sorry, WHAT

↓

> Fehgettaboutit @thewindowguy

> Tis New York. What were you expecting?

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> I was born in Manhattan. I assumed my expectations were at least a little right.

Fehgettaboutit @thewindowguy 

> 1, How long have you lived in Malibu again? 2, You’re rich, have you ever even taken the subway before? 

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> So what I’m hearing is that I should make him move to California and then make him my sole heir? Done.

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Apparently taking my intern to Malibu would be kidnapping so I am not allowed to do that. 😔

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> My intern leaves voicemails to my head of security every single day. My favorite ones are the ones where he gets excited about the dogs he got to pet that day. And also the many ones about Murph the Cat that he adores. And the ones where he helps old ladies with groceries.

↓

Layla @theawfuldog 

> You... listen to someone else’s voicemails??

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> My forehead of security sends all the ones the kid sends directly to me because he physically cannot deal with anyone THAT cheery, which is ironic because we call him Happy. He is a very grumpy man.

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> When my intern first met Pepper, instead of calling her “Miss Potts” he accidentally referred to her as “Your Majesty” and I don’t think he EVER managed to recover from that. Apparently that’s what he and his friends call her in private. 

↓

Pepper Potts Appreciation @PepSquad 

> As they should! 

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> AS THEY SHOULD!!! 💖💕💗

↓

CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts ✓

> Please don’t encourage it. I still haven’t been able to get him to call me Pepper.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> HA! Good luck with that. 

—

Pepper Potts Appreciation @PepSquad 

> Oh my god Tony Stark is following me??? With his official account?!?? What the SHIT?!

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> I want to join the Pepper Appreciation Squad. Where do I sign? Do you need credentials? I have a lot of credentials. I wrote a 15 page essay on why Pepper is the best thing on this planet when I was drunk back in 08. It’s surprisingly coherent. 

↓

Pepper Potts Appreciation @PepSquad 

> I am BEGGING you to show us the essay

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> DONE here’s the link! **docs.google.com/docu...**

↓

Pepper Potts Appreciation @PepSquad 

> Welcome to the squad.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> YES!!! 🎉✨💓🎈🎉💖

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> My intern hasn’t spoken a word to me since he arrived. This is new. 

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> He’s upset that I joined a Pepper Appreciation Squad without him. This was NOT what I expected him to be mad about. He says he forgives me for embarrassing him on the internet. Is this child real??? I’m adopting him.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> I am not allowed to adopt him. 😔😔😔

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> My intern does not have a twitter. What the shit??? He apparently ‘doesn’t do social media’ whatever the fuck that means. This is outrageous. I’m making him an account and I will FORCE him to use it. Either he uses it or no lab time. 

↓

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern

> I hate you.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> You’re a high schooler with no social media knowledge, do you realize how embarrassing that is? You should be thanking me.

↓

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern

> 😡😡😡

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> 😇😊

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> HE BLOCKED ME?!?!

—

End Day 1


	2. Chapter 2

Day 2

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> It is Saturday, and in order to get my intern to unblock me, I took him to Target. Apparently, it does not matter to Target that I am Tony Stark, Genius Billionaire Superhero Philanthropist. If I’m wearing a red shirt, I work there. No exceptions. 

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> My intern is losing his fucking mind, three people have looked me in the eyes and asked me what aisle they’ll find their items. I don’t fucking know. I’m Tony Stark. I have never stepped foot into a Target until today.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> An EMPLOYEE just asked me to get something from the back. I took my hat and sunglasses off ages ago and STILL nobody is recognizing me. I DO NOT WORK HERE. I CANNOT HELP YOU.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Some customer started bitching to me about the shitty staff here and you know what? Better me than the anxious teen who already seems like she’s on the verge of a mental breakdown down the aisle. Yes, ma’am, we’ll take your complaints into consideration. Where’s the manager? Uhhh, that’s me. I’m the manager.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> I genuinely cannot believe this is happening. I am physically incapable of comprehending this. What the genuine fuck.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> The cashier, for a split second, seemed surprised to see me standing in line, buying a Spider-man Lego set. Not because I am Tony Stark, no. He thought I was an employee, as well. Do the people here not... Know their own coworkers???

—

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> Target Employee: Could you help me stock the shelves?

> Mr. Stark, starting to stock shelves: I’m Tony Stark.

> Employee: Ha, funny. You do kinda look like him. Thanks for the help.

> Mr. Stark: ... No problem.

—

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> Mr. Stark: ... Kid?

> Me: Yeah?

> Mr. Stark: You still recognize me, right? I haven’t been horribly disfigured since I walked through those automatic doors?

> Me: ... Yes, Mr. Stark, I know who you are.

—

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> Mr. Stark: It’s Carbonell, now.

> Me: What?

> Mr. Stark: They made me a nametag and I panicked and said my name’s Howard Carbonell. 

> Me: It’s good to know the Earth is protected by such capable, quick-witted hands, Mr. Carbonell.

> Mr. Stark: ... Listen here you little shit-

—

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> Mr. Stark: *gets in line still wearing the employee nametag* 

> Cashier: *predictably puzzled as to why an employee is waiting in line*

> I’m not gonna tell him.

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Now that he’s unblocked me, @TheStarkIntern KID WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME I STILL HAD A NAMETAG ON?!

↓

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> Social experiment. I wanted to see how long it would take for you, a person with an IQ well over 250, to notice.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> You’re a CHEMIST

—

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> 🥰💕✨💞🥰🎉💖

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> What is this supposed to mean?

↓

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> I dunno, you tell me, I’m just a socially uneducated teenager. I know nothing about Social Media OR the Social Sciences. 

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Who taught you that sass?

↓

CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts ✓

> I did, when I had him shadow me for a week while you were hospitalized. Is that a problem, Mr. Stark?

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Nope. No. Absolutely not. No problems here. Carry on, Ms. Potts.

↓

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> 🤭

—

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> To all the people who are saying they would die for me, just from the few things I have said since getting an account... Please stop saying that. It’s not nearly as funny or cute as you think it is. I’ll cry.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> I live for you, kid.

↓

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> Well now I’m DEFINITELY CRYING, MR. STARK!

↓

A Wonderful Boy @TheStarkIntern 

> (You’re one of the people I live for, too. 😊)

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> How do I convince someone to give me dual guardianship of their sassy teenaged child, whom I care about very much, when said someone does not like me

↓

CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts ✓

> Stop taking advantage of the fact that your intern’s legal guardian cannot reply to you on social media without outing both her and her child’s identity.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> I didn’t think of it like that, but now that you’ve said it, I see where I’m going wrong here. I’ll stop. 

↓

CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts ✓

> Good.

↓

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> ...OR I could make her an anonymous, heavily protected account just like the kid!

↓

CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts ✓

> Why do I even try? 

—

Walnut Date Loaf @AuntHottie 

> @TonyStark I Hate You.

↓ 

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> Does that line run in the family or something?

—

You Know Who I Am @TonyStark ✓

> OH COME ON, DOES BLOCKING PEOPLE RUN IN THE FAMILY TOO?!

—

End Day 2


End file.
